I know the fight, I’ve been in it. You fight for your right to have a loving relationship with your child or children.
Heck, you’re probably just happy to have ANY contact with your child who may be outright refusing to speak with you. Whether you are a mother or a father, this form of abuse is not gender based.
I can imagine if you’re here then you’re at the point of wanting to give up fighting for your child so that you can save yourself. You feel like you need to retreat from the silence on the other end of the phone. Or, the messages you get from your child are abusive and full of what appears to be hate and rejection.
You’ve probably cried yourself to sleep only to wake up and find it wasn’t a dream and so, the pain continues. It’s true heart ache. You’re mourning a child that is still alive and trying to reconcile with yourself over it.
Moving on without letting go forever
Sometimes, we feel like we have to let go forever. This is usually based on thinking that this is it for the rest of my life, that our child or children truly hate us based on the vitriol they hurl at you. I am going to challenge you on that thought.
I want you to know that making a black and white decision is not something you need to do. Yes, you may need to put things aside in order to reduce the pain of not having a relationship with your child but as you know, even doing that doesn’t mean the pain goes away.
There is a way to move on without letting go of your alienated child forever. The first step is letting go of the outcome without letting go of your child. This is a process that will allow you the freedom to heal.
I have heard of positive stories where parents who have had no contact with their alienated child/children for years suddenly get a call out of nowhere. Not because they have just waited and waited, but because they chose to do the inner work on themselves, needed to change the outcome and change what is going on in their outer world. This is something that is available to you too – available to all of us. Click on the image below to learn more about this healing process. I guarantee you will not be disappointed. And really – what do you have to lose by giving this a go?
What I Learned about Love and Fear
Everything we do is based on coming from a space of love or fear. If you have lived family violence then there is a good chance you are constantly in a fear state. While we understand this is a ‘fight / flight’ body response, it does not serve us in this day and age.
Many of the emotions we feel are either love or fear. Trauma is fear, staying in a victim-state is coming from fear. Lashing out with anger is fear.
Love is how we can choose to respond. Love overcomes evil. Yes it does take work and it takes awareness.
The Key to Operating from Unconditional Love
Learning to come from unconditional love is something we ‘feel’. There may be hidden programs that we are not aware of that keep us in a state of fear.
TRUSTING that you are in a space of unconditional love and FEELING that space in your heart is the key.
The very best thing we can do for our alienated child is heal ourselves. Here are some tips for you to do that and I recommend you do this as a ritual for 31 days straight:
- Keep a calm and inviting space in your heart – make an effort to focus on this.
- Take a moment before you go to sleep to clear your head of any thought, focus on your heart, let any thoughts come and go, and focus on your child’s heart. Send love by feeling that love in your heart and visualise that love filling your child’s heart as pure golden loving light. As you do this, tell your child (you don’t have to say it out loud) that you love them unconditionally.
- Notice the feelings that come up as you do this. Feel it and let go of it. Imagine the dark dust leaving your body and filling your heart with a pure golden dust.
- Do this ten times, and repeat every night on sleep.
Resources to Help you and your Alienated Child
While it is important to learn about what is happening it is much more powerful for you to take action as that is where TRUE change happens. Please use these as a guide as you commence your own inner work.
The most powerful way to change what is going on with you and your child or children is to change your outer world by changing your inner world.
Sometimes the trauma, fear, guilt, self loathing, shame or sadness is so deep, it is build with layers on layers. You do not have to live like this and you can experience relief.
If you want to change the alienation, regardless of the age of your child, you do have an option. You can instantly feel better by following this technique and you can get started today. You will be amazed how change can happen so quickly with the change of reunification without the need for therapists or third parties. Missing out on your child’s life does not have to be the rest of your reality.
Reading and gaining knowledge is just part of the solution. Taking action on yourself is where true transformation takes place – in your outer world. That includes relationships with your alienated child. In order for change to happen, you need to take the right type of action. That action does not involve focusing on your ex or what the other parent is doing to damage your loving relationship with your child.
Best Book in Parental Alienation and Alienation as a form of abuse based on expert Amy Baker
Best Book on Strategies to Overcome Parental Alienation and a Look at the brainwashing of Children
