Shame

There it is. Not a very nice word is it. You may already be having an emotional reaction to seeing the word ‘Shame’.

Shame is something you use on others or you may feel as a reaction yourself. Often shame statement toward others start as “You did….” or “You said…”. Any time you are using “You”, it may be the start of the blaming and shaming game. Don’t do it.

An Little Story on Shame

I was doing secondary school pick up and my son who was in year 7 at the time, got into the car quite upset. When I asked him what was wrong he said that during a science lesson the teacher came up to him and asked if he used a ruler to rule one of the lines as it wasn’t as straight as she wanted it to be. When he said no, she had the whole class point a finger at him and call out “shame” over and over again.

When I approached the school about the incident, the vice-principal was in support of her actions even though it had a terrible impact on my son. I reported the incident to the Dept. of Education and fortunately was told that this would not happen any more.

The teacher was apologetic and said it was just a joke, which I doubt. Sadly, schools are a terrible user of shame. Whether it be not wearing a blazer to school so kids are shamed by being given detention for it or they are shamed in front of their peers by teachers who do not know better.

Shame is also covert sometimes. Rewarding one student for their work can cause self-shame of other students who did not get a reward for their work.

I can’t recall how I came across Brene Brown but her work is amazing. I hope you enjoy the following video.

Are you Unknowingly Shaming others, or even yourself?

I’ll admit that before I ‘woke up’ and became more spiritually aware, I used to sometimes unconsciously shame others and that included my children. It might have been a raised voice in front of others for a behaviour that wasn’t considered ‘acceptable’. I was never one to shame my children for dropping something or breaking something or those types of incidents. Stuff happens and it is out of our control so why shame someone for it.

You can commit to changing your interactions with others, not just through your words or actions but through the space inside that you communicate from. This is really powerful and where amazing change can happen.

Shame and Negative Self-talk

It’s easy for the inner voice to shame with negative self talk. This can go hand in hand with regret. Sometimes that voice inside is so quiet, like a whisper, that you are not even aware you are shaming yourself. The key in this instance is to start to witness your own thoughts and self-talk.

Starting a journal is a good way to witness and make change. Write your inner thoughts and transform them on paper to a positive alternative and then ready those positive statements out loud in front of a mirror to yourself and see what happens. Do this for 31 days in a row.

Set a reminder in your phone or diary every morning so you can make a habit of it.

Key Points and Learning on Shame

• Before you say anything, stop and focus on your heart space. Fill it with love and peace
• Witness your own thoughts
• Start a journal and talk to yourself every day in the mirror for 31 days, with your new positive statements
• Rethink your words and actions and come from a space of love before anything else.