A small tale of the absurd acts of the narcissist.
A simple story with an important under-current
Before I knew my ex-partner was a narcissist of the highly manipulative kind, I lived with an expectation that we could co-parent, once there was some distance between us on the road, since I ended the marriage.
At that stage, I had absolutely no idea that no matter what I did or said, he would always want to fight about something, in an attempt to control and dominate and subconsciously feed his ego that will always be wanting of something.
It was not easy to separate from the narc. Nothing went smoothly. He would show up to pick up the kids late, sometimes an hour late, or he would say he didn’t agree to have the kids at all. So, I learned very early on to put boundaries in place. I was advised by the solicitor at the time that having picks up at my place was better than a mutually agreed place because at lease we were not waiting on a car somewhere for him to arrive, late.
I disagreed with this as it would give him free reign to show up when it suited him and disrupted any other plans I may have made for when he was to see the kids. I am still glad now that the swap over is not at my place.
When we split I was expected to do the kid’s washing for when they were at his place. I was expected to hand over 1/2 of everything, while in the meantime, he went off and purchased all new furniture, etc for when he moved out. What we had purchased during the marriage was to be in counted at settlement and yet anything new he purchased from money that should have been considered part of our settlement, was not included.
He started new and still wanted part of what we had. I was handing over belongings and he continued to put his hand out. I eventually realised that no matter how much I handed over, he would always want to take, and I had the kids to consider.
Where this all leads
So now you have some background, that gives you some understanding of how a narc works.
The event of the crazy socks shows the absurdity of what it is like to have to deal with a narcissist.
One event that the primary school was holding was called ‘crazy socks’ day. Each child could wear different socks and as a result, I sent my child to school with one long striped sock and another short patterned sock. The kids were due to be picked up from school to stay at their Dad’s that night. As a result, the two odd socks ended up at his place.
When, after some time, the socks did not come back. I asked if the socks could be returned to match back up. The narc wanted the socks at his place saying they were his. My only comment back was “so you want to fight about socks now?”
It just becomes absurd when every little thing becomes an issue. It can be frustrating.
And so, that is the common thread of co-parenting with a narc. They gaslight, they shift the goal posts, they use other people to do their bidding and they will go behind your back to turn people against you.
There is NO REGARD for the children in a narc’s head. Everything they do is about them or FOR them.
What can you do when co-parenting with a Narcissist?
Having woken up to what we were living with, I was able to put things in place to protect myself and heal. Separating from a narc can be absolutely life destroying but you don’t have to allow that to happen.
Having the knowledge does give you power but don’t get stuck in this part of the phase. Learn, apply knowledge and move forward. You will need to disconnect from the narc and it’s critical you do this on a spiritual level.
I provide resources to help you move forward; whether you are beginning the journey or you already know what you are dealing with but now need further steps to reclaim yourself and your life.
Best way to recover from narcissistic abuse
A workbook to help recover from trauma, sociopath and narc abuse including CPTSD
